I’m trying something new today with a reading analysis exercise, taking an extract of writing and picking out particulars of language that might be interesting. I’ve provided questions below to help you think critically about the English involved. The answers follow.

To do this, I’m looking back at my own writing, which I have a huge supply of! This extract is the first paragraph from my debut (first) novel, Wixon’s Day, a post-apocalyptic steampunk adventure. If that genre sounds unusual, it is – imagine Victorian technology in a world where little survives. I released this back in 2014 and my writing has improved a lot since then, so there may be areas for improvement – consider this as the questions are for guidance but the writing is not necessarily all correct or the best use of language!

Useful Vocabulary

Here are some words that may be useful to understand the passage:

• Bow: the front of a boat
• Distinguishable: recognisable
• Lingering: to remain longer than usual/expected
• Melody: agreeably arranged musical sounds
• Port of call: somewhere frequently visited
• Stern: the back of a boat
• Warble: to sing a tune (with some embellishment)

Reading Exercise & Analysis: Novel Opening 1

Read the following extract from the start of a novel and consider the questions below.

Marquos on the stern.[1] He holds a copper flute and plays a haunting tune that softly slips through the fog.[2, 3] The water barely makes a sound, the gentle creaks of the boat nothing more than an occasional whisper amids his lightly drawn-out notes.[4] The tune he plays is not his own; it is an old folk melody that was once sung by rebels fighting in a war his countrymen were never involved in.[5] He has not learnt the words, but the message lives in its lingering rhythm. Something was lost so this tune could be written. Some awful truth revealed.[6] There is some tear-filled message in the notes, but it is a beautiful misery. Marquos plays the tune often and is known by it[7] in many of his regular ports of call. The light on the bow bobs as a barely[8] distinguishable dull yellow glow in this fog, but his flute announces his presence. He trusts in others’[9] hearing him to avoid collision, and does not panic when a dark shape suddenly bursts from the mist directly upon him. The pilot of the neighbouring boat is equally calm, his voice booming, “It’s been three long seasons since I heard that bitter warble.”[10]

Marquos continues playing as the boats touch and rock together.

“And so he’s heading north now. As everyone else is heading south. What are you about, Marquos?”[11]

Discussion Questions

1. What is strange about the opening sentence? Does it work?
2. What tense is this story written in? Why do you think this was chosen?
3. Is there anything interesting about the sounds of the second sentence?
4. The second half of the sentence is long but has no verb. Why not?
5. Why is a semi-colon (;) used in this sentence?
6. Is there anything interesting about the structure of these three sentences (“He has not learned …” to “… truth revealed”)?
7. What is the grammatical term for the verb form in “is known by it”? Why is it used here?
8. What do we call the repetition of the “b” sound here?
9. Is the apostrophe necessary here?
10. Are there any other problems with these two sentences?
11. Do you understand the meaning of the final sentence?
12. What can we understand from the two sentences of dialogue?
13. Can you find five examples of adverb use?
14. Can you rewrite the first three sentences in the past tense? How does this change the story?

Answers and Points for Discussion

1. There is no verb “to be”. This is done to catch attention with an unusual opening sentence with an immediate image; as we have the preposition “on” we can infer the subject “is” there.
2. The present tense. It makes the story more immediate and involving, aiming to place the reader in the moment.
3. There may be many answers, but one is the use of multiple “s” sounds, partly from the use of present tense (ending each verb with “s”) and the phrase “softly slips”. This is known as sibilance.
4. It is all additional information, qualifying the first verb’s comment about a lack of sound (a long example of what little sound there is).
5. The first clause tells us what the song is not and the second tells us what it is, therefore although they are separate sentences they are close enough in relationship to connect fluidly with a semi-colon (the second cause being a consequence/logical follow on from the first).
6. These three sentences get progressively shorter, the first explaining his understanding of the song, the second commenting on his understanding and the third adding a final afterthought (another fragment, not grammatically complete, as we might informally add an afterthought).
7. This is the passive tense, used because we are discussing how he is known, not who knows him.
8. Alliteration.
9. No, in fact this could be considered a mistake. He trusts in the action others do (“others hearing”). However, we can just about get away with it by suggesting he trusts the noun form, that others possess the hearing of him. That is an over-complication and the more natural form would be without the apostrophe.
10. My thoughts are that both characters remain calm as they surprise each other, but the language is very dramatic (“suddenly bursts”, “booming”). This creates an unusual contrast that does not agree well and should be changed.
11. “What are you about?” is a very informal way of asking “What is your purpose/meaning?” or “What are you doing?”, depending on context.
12. The dialogue suggests the stranger last met Marquos three years ago (“season” typically suggesting the coming and going of a year’s seasons; this is quite an archaic use of language). He is familiar with Marquos’s music and surprised that Marquos is heading in the opposite direction to most people.
13. “softly slips”, “barely makes”, “lightly drawn-out”, “never involved”, “plays the tune often”, “barely distinguishable”, “suddenly bursts”, “directly upon”, “equally calm”
14. Marquos (was) on the stern. He held a copper flute and played a haunting tune that softly slipped through the fog. The water barely made a sound, the gentle creaks of the boat nothing more than an occasional whisper amids his lightly drawn-out notes. Does it make much difference? You decide!

If you found this exercise useful or have any further thoughts or questions, let me know in the comments below!

For more detailed tips on improved writing skills, check out my book, Advanced Writing Skills for Students of English.