As my last post going into detail analysing the opening to a novel proved popular, I’ve put together another reading exercise looking at a different style of novel. This one is modern and from my more recent writing, so let’s see if we can spot some interesting details and differences! Again, I’ve provided questions below to help you think critically about the English involved, with the answers below.

The writing we’re looking at today comes from my short novel The City Screams. This one is what we mostly call urban fantasy (or contemporary fantasy), which means it has a modern setting with elements of fantasy. I included a rather unique main character for this, so let’s see how the language helps bring her to life. Be warned though, this is a more advanced piece that looks at some quite difficult areas of writing with some creative descriptions.

Useful Vocabulary

Here are some words that may be useful to understand the passage:

• Bodywarmer: a type of warm outdoor vest
• Bunched: gathered close together, often untidily
• Elderly: of an advanced age (usually referring to a person)
• Mumble: to speak unclearly
• Otherness: qualities that make someone/something seem different
• Serial killer: a murderer with a pattern of killings
• Shell suit: an exercise outfit of shiny material
• Skirting / Skirting board: a wooden flourish that runs along the bottom of a wall
• Spyhole: a hole in a door used to check who is on the other side

Reading Exercise & Analysis: Novel Opening 1

Read the following extract from the start of a novel and consider the questions below.

A pair of men stood either side of a doorway with an elderly resident between them, all staring at Tova.[1] One was a triangle of over-exercised upper-body[2] in a faded red bodywarmer, the other thin with a shiny green shell suit and the half-dark glasses of a serial killer.[3] [4] Tova had been getting suspicious looks all day [5], a young Westerner in Tokyo, weirdly taller than the locals,[6] but these men were different. Their stares didn’t accuse her of otherness – they said she was interrupting.[7] [8] Not the best welcome to her home for the next two weeks.

Tova mumbled an apology and hurried past, eyes on the carpet. She focused on the pattern: deeply faded yellow cross-hatched lines on a background of vomit-beige. A burnt patch by the skirting;[9] a foot wide, that must’ve been some accident.[10]

Reaching number 58, Tova shook the key in the lock, nervous, aware the men’s eyes hadn’t left her. Had she got the wrong door? The wrong key safe?[11] The lock turned and she rushed into the apartment, closing the door immediately behind her. She shot a look out through the spyhole. The men were talking to the old woman now. They were leaning over her, and her arms were bunched close to her body. Did she look frightened?[12]

Discussion Questions

1. Should there be an extra preposition in this sentence? Why/why not?
2. What language technique is being used to create this description?
3. The sentence appears to have two clauses, but there is no verb after the comma. Why not?
4. The language technique from [2] is used again; how does this create a particular style of writing?
5. What tense is used here and why?
6. What do the previous two phrases (“a young Westerner…”, “weirdly taller”) describe?
7. Why is the dash “–” used here?
8. What does “they said” refer to here?
9. Why is there no verb in this clause?
10. This sentence is very clipped, missing traditional grammar. Can you rewrite it with ordinary grammar? Why is not written that way?
11. Who is asking these questions?
12. Can you summarise the major action of this introduction in a few sentences? What kind of impression do you have of Tova?

Answers and Points for Discussion

1. It would be grammatical to say “on either side of” something, but in informal language “on” can be left out. It is possible in writing like this, for a subtle clue that it is not formally narrated.
2. The man is described as a “triangle”, which is a metaphor; in this case it draws attention to the shape of his upper-body, created by having too much muscle (and implying his lower half is less muscular).
3. The first half of the sentence describes one man, the second half another man; grammatically we should say “one was . . .” and then “the other was . . .”, but as it follows the same pattern of description and they share the same verb, we can leave the second verb out.
4. Another metaphor, “the half-dark glasses of a serial killer”, shows the narrative is imaginative (he is not actually a serial killer). Though this is third-person writing, such creative language reflects a particular perspective (Tova’s).
5. The past perfect continuous; this shows a series of continual actions was occurring before another past time (i.e. all day, before Tova arrived here).
6. These phrases both describe Tova, added as additional information with parenthetical commas.
7. The dash is used to connect two closely related sentences, so the second follows on as a logical response to the first (like a semi-colon, in place of a conjunction).
8. This is quite creative phrasing: “they” refers to the men’s stares, which do not literally “say”, but rather “indicate that”.
9. There is no verb because this is informally tagged on as another piece of information that follows the previous sentence’s description. It is given its own sentence, however, as it describes something that stands out.
10. “There was a burnt patch, which was a foot wide and must have been caused by some accident.” It is written in a more clipped, informal manner to reflect fast-moving, everyday speech that drops verbs and connectors, again building a style of writing that reflects the main character’s thoughts.
11. While the story asks the questions of the reader, actually the positioning, thanks to the style that reflect the character’s voice, suggest Tova is asking the questions herself.
12. Tova, a Westerner in Tokyo, arrived at her apartment for a two-week stay and saw two suspicious men in the hallway, talking to an old lady. They watched her go past and made her nervous. Tova seems to be imaginative and shy.

If you found this exercise useful or have any further thoughts or questions, let me know in the comments below!

For more detailed tips on improved writing skills, check out my book, Advanced Writing Skills for Students of English.